We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
