That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
