I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
