So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
