I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
