mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
