im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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