I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
