am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
