also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
