I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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