I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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