i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize