There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize