She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
