and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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