Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
