I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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