Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
