Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
