I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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