I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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