Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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