So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
