I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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