New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
