But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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