Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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