just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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