I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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