Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
