Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
