well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
