I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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