You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize