I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
