Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
