dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
