I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
