Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
