he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
