Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
