nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He shit in the fireplace
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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