She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
