That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
