Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
