Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
