My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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