All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
