Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
