i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
