Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
