and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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