the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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