Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
