Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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