from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
