rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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