i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
