is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
