He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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