Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
