i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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