your parents love me but you hate me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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