I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
