My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
