i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
there is glitter all over my balls
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
