Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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