You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
