Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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